I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
