Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
