You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
