Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
