This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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