the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
