why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
