would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
