he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
