It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
