when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
