John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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