i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
