:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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