Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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