Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Shame is for Republicans.
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