Don't make out with my wife yet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
