He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
