i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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