That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
