Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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