Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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