good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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