So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
