just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
