We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
