she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
