dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
