dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
