Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
