apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need moral support for this bender
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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