A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
