hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
