I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
