the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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