she was so not down for the gang bang
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
