I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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