I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
