I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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