I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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