I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
