im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
