Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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