did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
