david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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