The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
