Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
