When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
