Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
