your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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