He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
