How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
