it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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