gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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