I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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