So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
