Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
