My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
