You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
