I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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