Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
