soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
