well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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