I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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