Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize