I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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