woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
