I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
