Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
