Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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